if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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