remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Im part way to drunk.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
