You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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