Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
