Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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