Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
