im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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