This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
