The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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