Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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