Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
