Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
