you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
