I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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