She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
