Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
