I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
