I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
