I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
