I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
