If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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