i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
