Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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