Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
