Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
