I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
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Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
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Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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