Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
