Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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