One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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