Swine flu. Run for my life!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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