I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize