Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
