youre lurking in front of me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
