Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
of course. lets lasso hookers.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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