i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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