Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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