Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
