As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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