just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
