$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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