All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
