My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
