peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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