so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
