I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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