why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
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