I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
