hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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