I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Randomize
