I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you made out with another girl for some wings
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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