I murdered the dance floor call the cops
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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