i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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