just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
