What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
