the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You've changed since you got that strap on
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
