i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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