what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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