No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I need to sanitize my soul.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
