I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My cat gives me a boner
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
