I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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