my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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