Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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