I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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