i just google imaged poop.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
