It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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