If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
