I smell stomach acid.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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