I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
