Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
