hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
