mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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