i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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