It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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