If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
