Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
