I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
